Difficult People & The Cycle of Conflict

Recently, in spite of Ramadan, I have the opportunity of facilitating a 2-day session on management skills. The programme was attended by managers and senior managers from the manufacturing industry. Several topics encompassing the conceptual, technical and human skills were covered. Yet, most critiques from participants were on conflict, dealing with difficult people and managing change - issues relating to human skills.

One participants remarked that the most important asset of an organisation - 'the people - is the most difficult to manage'.

Sometimes we find ourselves losing our heads when dealing with difficult people. We wonder how a simple disagreement can turn into a conflict.

So, on one side we have the nice people like us (the participants and me) and the difficult people on the other side (like the difficult co-workers).

I started by requesting the participants for words used to describe difficult people. As expected, everyone started to throw in negatives. Asking them to think like nice people, I went on to request them for words that described their reactions towards the 'difficult people'. Then I had asked them to analyse both the lists. They laughed. I was relieved when I learned that the they were indeed laughing at themselves. Little did they realised that, before this, they were behaving exactly in the same manner as the 'difficult people' when dealing with them.

How can we resolve the conflict or handle difficult people when we are behaving like them? Two negatives do not make a positive. It's a stalemate.How is this explained?

I have asked them to work in pair. One, A and the other, B. A holds his/her fist tight and B using his/ her creativity will try to open the fist. The 'lesson of the fist' manifests that the harder the attempt to open the fist, the more it motivates the difficult person to resist even harder. This creates the cycle of conflict. The cycle of conflict works in a vicious cycle.

Issues implicating Ahmad Ismail from Bukit Bendera; Penang recently, the reactions and exchanges of words from political and ethnic leaders from within and outside the ruling coalition, on the issues; Ahmad's refusal to apologise and the tearing away of Penang BN Chairperson and Former Penang CM's photograph; are classic illustrations on the cycle of conflict.